Where oh where should I begin????? Ok, so round 6 was on Christmas Eve. Everything went well. I had the best nap at treatment thanks to the Benadryl. Christmas Day we went to my parents. We had dinner and did presents with Heather and James. James got to play Santa and pass out the gifts. It was all in all a great Christmas. A few days later, the side effects of round 6 started to emerge. In addition to the aching restless leg type pains I was anticipating, I also had incredibly painful knee and hip joint pain. I felt like I aged 60 years over night and developed arthritis! It was ridiculous! So I called my doctors office and got, what’s that? Oh you guessed it. Yet another prescription to combat the side effects of chemo. I’m like a freaking walking pharmacy! Unreal! All kidding aside, I can honestly say that they work and get me through til the pain and side effects wain and I feel almost normal again.

The one side effect that there is no fix for is the hair loss. I was washing my face and noticed I had a couple of hairs on my hand when I wet my face. I knew they didn’t come from my head. Then it dawned on me. There goes your eyebrows and lashes chick. BUM-MER! So it’s been two weeks since treatment 6 and as of today I have a couple of little short bottom lashes, still a decent amount of top lashes but some gaps. I decided to stop wearing mascara since they are so fragile and it was doing more harm then good. After all, it was just making me feel like I looked better when I put makeup on. I do have fake ones that I may try out. But since I’m so close to the end I may just leave them alone so that in a few weeks they will start growing back. As for my eyebrows, they were pretty thin to begin with so its not like they are easy to draw back on using makeup. In the corners were they are thicker, or should be, I can fill those in a bit more. The hard part is that they are pretty light so finding makeup to match them is a bit tricky. But we’ll see. Good news is my wigs all have bangs so I can just wear them to cover up my forehead and not look like an alien!!!

New Years Eve I came down with this nasty sinus cold that everyone seems to be acquiring. On Wednesday I called the doctors office to see what I could take and if I should be getting a prescription. I went in to see her and she said since I had no fever and judging by my symptoms it was most likely viral. Said to ride it out with mucinex etc. So I have been doing just that.

Today is probably the best I have felt in days. Which brings me to Round 7. Say what?!?!? Holy hell, round 7. I’m literally rounding third base and on the home stretch. I was totally scared I was going to see the doctor today and they would say sorry no treatment because you are still sick. At least I did for a bit. But when I got to the infusion center today for my blood draw, the nurse said that they had a patient earlier who had pretty much had the same cold and her doctor signed off on her treatment. Then I thought about it. This is Dr Tweed we are talking about! As long as my labs come back and they are good, she’s going to say lets do this! And I was totally right! My labs came back and they were great! Slightly better then last time. She was really excited about how well I’m doing and have done throughout Chemo. I can not say enough about her. Truly blessed to have her on my team. My only setback today was that they cornered me off so I was a bit further away from the other patients. And I was asked to not have any visitors for today. It ended up being ok because once again, Benadryl kicked in and this little lady slept! Once again, no issues during my infusion time. Just got home a little bit ago and will probably rest a little more. My only directions from my doc are to watch my cough and congestion. Since I am now hacking stuff up, she informed me that if it gets any worse to call and she’ll put me on antibiotics. Sometimes viral colds will turn bacterial in the form of bronchitis so I should be aware of that. Otherwise, looking good!

For all you followers of our house progress, we had electrical inspections last week, floor tile on first floor installed, and half the kitchen cabinets! Things are moving along now! Super exciting! Looks like the completed project will fall right in line with completing Chemo! Couldn’t be happier. Pictures to follow!

Monday was my 5th round of Chemo and my first round of Taxol.  This marked the halfway point and the time where we switch my Chemo drug.  Taxol, while still very serious, does not come with the digestive side effects that Adriamyacin and Cytoxin have.  For that I am thankful.  But the side effects of Taxol are pretty scary.  Neuropathy is the numbness and tingling in your fingers and toes.  This may occur and could be only temporary, however, it can also cause permanent nerve damage.  The goal obviously is for this not to happen.  There is also serious bone pain, as with the nuelasta shot, feels flu-like and achy all over.  You also get pain in your abdomen which feels like the worst menstrual cramps EVER!!  Sorry guys, I  know you might not be able to comprehend that one.  Let’s just say it feels like little gut punches every few seconds for, oh I don’t know, say HOURS!!!!! 

Treatment day is the same.  Go to infusion center, have blood drawn through Port, go see doctor, doctor gets labs, gives ok for treatment, go back to infusion center for treatment.  My pre-meds are pretty much the same as well.  I get anti-nausea meds, steroids etc and now I get a HEAVY dose of Benadryl.  This is because Taxol can cause a severe allergic reaction.  Taxol takes 3 hours via IV to administer.  When I got the Benadryl I told my mom and Chris that I suddenly felt exhausted.  Now I know why the nurses told me most people sleep during Taxol treatment.  I will most definitely take their advice next time!  All in all it wasn’t that bad, and so far I’ve just been experiencing slight side effects, nothing to serious, except for feeling very very tired all of the time.  I feel like I could sleep for a week.  Last night though, I woke up several times.  It felt like I was cramping up all over, like I couldn’t quite stretch my legs enough.  Then this morning I woke up and had the abdominal cramping.  I took Aleve once I got to work and it seems to be getting better.

Another thing that happened on treatment day  ******WARNING WARNING THIS COULD POSSIBLY BE TMI FOR MY MALE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!************I started spotting.  At first I thought it might just be because I finished the AC treatment and had moved on to Taxol.  Then I realized that is normally when I would be due.  See I haven’t had a monthly cycle since starting Chemo, and really didn’t expect to have one again til I was done.  Well it turned out to be four days of a normal cycle.  So I will be talking to my Dr. next Friday about what this means if anything.  If it is because of the Taxol or if it is any indication of my body trying to fight to be normal.

Night sweats and hot flashes have been very minimal.  Which is fine by me.  I mean seriously, who the hell wants to go through menopause not once, but TWICE in their life????  Not this lady!  Next treatment (Round 6) is Christmas Eve.  I’ll be sure to sleep that day and get some rest so I’ll be good to go for Christmas Day. 

SIDENOTES:  I’ve been having mixed emotions about Christmas and the holidays as well.  First off, I’m broke so christmas automatically looses it’s fun.  This is mostly due to the fact that we finally closed on our house at the end of October and began the renovations.  I don’t mind being broke because in a couple of weeks we will finally be in our new house.  Which I can not wait for.  But I love Christmas and gift giving.  I know people will understand.  Things happen and we have these cycles we go through where one year you can buy so much stuff, then the next it’s limited or non-existent, and then repeat.  It happens.  I guess I wanted this year to be different given this pesky cancer crap.  I mean, we don’t have a tree either because we are in between moving etc.  It just doesn’t feel like Christmas.  Then I think about my brother and the fact that he is spending Christmas in Afghanistan away from his wife and son and the rest of us.  Then I shut up, because I shouldn’t be complaining at all.  It’s not about gifts and money, it’s about love and friendship.  Spending time with those who matter in your life.  Even though things might seem down, count your blessings.  I’m sure you will find, as I did, that they are many.  So from me to you, all my faithful readers, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  (just in case you don’t hear from me until after Christmas)  I hope you all get to spend time with your loved ones over the next few weeks.  And for my locals, I hope to see some of you as well.  Love to all!

Monday turned into the day from hell.  I came home from work early because I just didn’t feel well.  I was beyond exhausted.  After a few hours of trying to sleep I began to feel nauseated.  That quickly turned into me throwing up before I could take any meds.  So I took my temperature because I just didn’t feel right.  This had never happened after any of my treatments.  And wouldn’t you know it, the dreaded numbers I have been trying to avoid show up on the thermometer, 100.4.  I called the doctor and they told me to go to the ER so I could have labs done to check on my blood cell counts.  I managed to get sick on the way to the hospital in a parking lot, again in the waiting room bathroom, and then once more as the doctor was talking to me once they took me back and got me in a bed.

After a dose of phenergen and zofran, I was in sleepy land.  My labs came back fine and they were guessing I got a virus.  I had my flu shot before I started chemo in hopes this would not happen.  So they sent me on my way with a prescription for Zofran.  After the vomiting stopped I was fortunate to get some sleep, before I spent the next day in the bathroom. Oh joy.  So it appears to be either contaminated food I ate or a 24 hour bug. Either way, this is not what I wanted to deal with.  Not only am I past the point of exhaustion, my digestive system has been through the ringer with the Chemo and now it hurts to eat or drink anything.  I can see the recovery from this isn’t going to be as easy as it normally would.  Guess I need to get over the thoughts of my usual bounce back.  Just not that simple these days.

Maybe I am trying to hard to be normal and do all of my normal daily activities.  I can barely make it 5 hours at work without feeling like I need to sleep.  Wondering if I should re-evaluate my working situation with my doctor.  Looks like we will be talking on Monday when I have my next treatment.  I think it would be helpful if I could find someone who has been through the same treatment regimen that I am on and find out how they handled it.  For now I will just try to get as much rest as possible and take it easy.

More to come after treatment #5 on Monday!

So I hit the halfway marker of chemo on Monday! What a wonderful feeling! And I will have to say the port was extremely helpful and made my treatment so easy. I think mostly I was against it because the thought of another surgery just made me so frustrated. Now part of me wishes I would have had it all along. Well at least it’s done now and hopefully I won’t have any issues from here on out.

This week was a good one. My treatment was moved to Monday due to the infusion center being closed for thanksgiving and Friday. I was concerned that this would throw my schedule off at work causing more time off, but I was actually able to work and get through the whole day Tuesday-Thursday. Mind you I was beyond tired when I would get home. But I made it. Not sure what the weekend will bring as it typically takes a few days after my nuelasta shot for my body to get the side effects. Today I am staying hopeful that they won’t be as bad. I’ve got lots to do this weekend! Birthday celebrations for some of the sweetest little girls I know, work as usual on our house, outings I would like to go to. I know I have to take it easy. But today I woke up and I cried hard, all because I long for a sense of normalcy in my life. It was probably long overdue and I know having heightened senses is another side effect to my never ending meds. But some days it is just so much to deal with. I know it will get better and that I’m halfway through chemo which is huge. I guess I should be holding on to that thought for now and stay positive.

Monday the 10th will be treatment number 5. It will be my first of 4 treatments if Taxol. Not really sure what to expect other then they give me a good dose of Benadryl as a pre med and the taxol takes 3 hours to administer via IV. I hope it’s not as harsh on my digestive system as the Adriamycin and Cytoxin were. That’s what they tell me anyway.

Looking through this post and past ones I realized I are the word Hope repeated. I understand why it’s so widely used in the cancer and breast cancer community. Some days, hope is all you have. So I will couple that with faith today and pray that the days ahead are a little easier then the ones I’ve put behind me.

This one will be brief as I just got home from surgery and I am ready for a nap. Everything went well. Surgery took about 45 minutes. I’m a bit sore but I guess that’s normal. Hoping by tomorrow I feel a bit better so I can enjoy thanksgiving. I was very apprehensive about surgery but I am truly glad I no longer have to be a human pin cushion. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. May you guys all count your many blessings and enjoy your time with loved ones. Next up, halfway point!

Round 2 brought all the fun things of round 1 with a bit more flu like symptoms and fatigue. My momma came with me for this round which was great to have her with me. I know it can’t be easy watching your child be administered toxins. But she was a trooper! Unfortunately this go round they went right back to the same spot for my IV and wouldn’t you know it, the days to follow would reveal that area is now scarred. Dr Tweed advised that we will be switching around veins in order to try to keep me from having a port. I’ve also been prescribed Prevacid for the God awful heartburn I’ve had every single day. I have literally felt like my stomach and throat have been on fire! Everything I eat or drink causes it and it just gets worse. I’ve also had terrible tension headaches which I will be trying to prevent by getting either massage or acupuncture done following treatment. My chemo brain is getting worse. I can’t remember anything, which is one of the reasons why I am so late on posting again! I keep meaning to do it but forget all about it! Major thing that happened this week: My husband shaved my head because my hair began to fall out. I thought this would affect me more but it didn’t. And I think this was because I had taken the steps to cut it short first so shaving it was just going a little bit shorter! I keep people at work guessing as they never know what Amber is going to walk in the door, short hair, long hair, scarf etc. I like to keep them guessing.

This weekend my parents, sister in law Heather, nephew James, my Aunt Audra, Uncle Pat, cuz Ashley (Tank & Raven) came over to hang out and help Chris work on our new house. As usual, James kept us laughing with all his witty commentary. Sure going to miss them when they go back to NC this week.

Progress is coming along nicely! It’s very exciting to watch the home go through the construction stages and see the changes happening. It’s almost like building your own home! Our kitchen cabinets have been ordered and will be here early December so we may actually be in by Christmas! 🙂

Chemo Round 3 is this Friday and I am going to do my best to try to log each day. I said I wasn’t going to sugar coat any of this and leaving out details is not doing my blog any justice. So next week prepare yourself for the dirt and grime!

I’ll start first by saying I haven’t posted anything this week because I’ve been busy at work, which is nice to be at work! The week following my first chemo treatment was sucky. It felt like I had the flu or like being pregnant. Constant state of nausea and headaches, exhaustion and just plan blah feeling. And soooooooo emotional! Then I get to the one week after treatment mark and it’s like BAM! Someone flicked off the sick switch and feel like my normal self again. If it stays this way I can deal. It’s just so strange to feel like there is something foreign running through your system and then feel normal again. But I’m not complaining! Sidenote: If you notice me repeating anything in my posts please forgive me! It’s Chemo Brain!!! It’s horrible!!! lol

Ok, so on to what this post is all about. I FINALLY (after a long 11 months) own my first home!!!!!! And it was worth every ounce of the battle!!! To make a long story short, if possible, we have been trying for almost a year to purchase a bank owned foreclosure because it was such a great deal. Most of the problems were due to dealing with a third party company and communication barriers. But in the end, everyone involved worked really hard to make it all possible. I have to stop a moment and thank Jimmy Yancey for all of his hard work in making my dream come true! I wanted this house and he stopped at nothing to make it happen. So I’m plugging him right now. Need a lender for your home purchase or refi, I’ll give you his info! But seriously, I am grateful to have such a wonderful friend who was relentless in making the deal go through. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. No more stress! Well at least not for purchasing the home. Now I get to stress about all the demo/construction Chris is doing to the home and sticking to the budget! lol

Things are actually coming along great. We’ve made a ton of progress in one week and are focused on keeping it moving. Our hope is to be in there by the end of the year. Which I think is doable. All the plumbing, electrical, and HVAC are in progress. If you need any of those guys let me know. We have some seriously good companies working on our house. They show up everyday which is huge! I think Chris and I made a good decision on this house. He started his own construction business, Cameron Contracting, and is currently awaiting his MHIC license. Once he gets this which should come in about 2 weeks he’ll be ready to rock. I obtained my real estate license in May. I’ve recently signed up with Exit First Realty and will begin plugging myself here soon! 😉 Chris and I should have a great thing going if our plan works the way we hope. And it will because I’m accepting nothing but positivity these days!

Moral of my post today is that if you have persistence and you stay the course, good things do happen. Life is about networking. It’s about building a team that all works together to make things happen. Whether it’s in your work life or personal, having strong relationships is what matters. Each person in your life contributes to the total sum, whatever you want it to be. So surround yourself with positive, hardworking, let’s do this! type of people. It worked for me for my house, it’s working for my career, and it is most definelty working in my personal life as I show cancer who is boss! So thanks to all of you for being a part of this chapter in my life, and hopefully many more chapters to come!

I’ve been going back and forth as to what to write on here over the last few days. But each time I have gone on the computer I’ve come up blank. Chemo brain really does exist! I walk into a room and go, What was I doing?  Only to remember I needed something out of the kitchen not the bedroom or the bedroom not the bathroom.  It’s like someone has control over the puppet strings!  I’ve been handling the nausea pretty well. The meds they give me to take “as needed” seem to do the job. But they cause some wicked heartburn! And as if I didn’t eat enough already, I’m constantly hungry due to the steroids. Which beats the alternative of being sick. I figure oh well if I gain weight over the next few months. It’s a small price to pay to be here and semi healthy 😉 Plus I have my lovely Kim at Crofton Bootcamp ready to get me back into shape when all my treatment is over! I’ll never be happier to get my assed kicked! lol

Exhaustion is the big kicker for me. I walk around feeling like I am in a constant fog and time seems to move really slow. Maybe that’s because all the super chaos is over and now I only have appointments every two weeks. Glad to have the job I do and that they are so understanding. I figure if I can make it to work at least for a couple of hours everyday I’m doing alright.

The emotional side of everything has finally caught up to me too. I wake up and I cry, I get in the car to drive to work and I cry, I think about how screwed up it is to be almost 32 and instead of planning your birthday your discussing how you want to go about cutting off your hair. Some days I wake up and I just want to scream WHY GOD WHY ME!!??? Enough is enough!! I’m tired and I hurt and I don’t deserve this and why can’t I just have a normal life!!!??? But the answers never come so I sit in silence trying to figure out how to move forward. How do you get dealt such a shitty hand over and over again and get up and face the world?? You just do. Why? Because what other choice do you have. Fight. That’s what the little voice in my head says. Sometimes I argue back because I don’t want to fight. I want to wake up and it all to be over. No more treatments no more being sick. Just normal everyday life.

And this is just 5 days after treatment #1. Boy do I have my work cut out for me. I should probably throw in my disclaimer now.

WARNING: Bipolar chemo lady on the loose. Not responsible for any crazy outbursts over the next 16 weeks!!! lol