My Big Decision

Let’s go back a little bit so I can catch you up on what’s happened in these last few years. I went back to work for the State of Maryland after my 8 weeks of leave when I had Jace. I knew at that time I needed more.  I didn’t want to be in an office setting and I knew I wanted to spend as much time with my baby as I could. But I didn’t know what to do. 

We were fortunate enough to have my mother and mother in law watch him which helped immensely. Every parent out there knows the cost of child care is insane and I was not ready to work just to pay for that. Or let some stranger raise our child. That just wasn’t in my plan. 

So I decided to pray. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for a sign. I asked the universe for help, to show me the way. I needed something to help pay the bills and had a flexible schedule. I loved the people I worked with and the job I was doing. I was able to share my story with coworkers who battled cancer or had just been diagnosed.  I watched my story help them have hope through their treatment. I gained friendships through this that I’ll be forever grateful for. But I had come to a point where I just wanted to own my time. I know far too well how precious that time is and I needed to make a change. And quickly. 

I went on working for about a year before I found it. I had kinda stopped looking for it to be honest. But there it was. A friend of mine added me to this group on Facebook called Fancy Pants. I had no idea what it was all about but soon discovered they sold Maxi skirts! I was in love! I live for skirts in the summer and was excited when I found stylish and affordable Maxi skirts! Plus they have a nice way of flattering the mom pooch. 😉 

It wasn’t long before the packages started coming to the house every few days. First skirts. Then these crazy soft leggings, and then dresses. Chris finally stopped and asked “What is all this stuff you keep getting?” I replied comfy clothes that make me feel good! I explained to him how they only sold items on Facebook or at these things called Popup parties. Having worked his own retail business for many years he asked if it seems like a lucrative business. I decided to look into it. 

I scheduled a meeting with a local consultant to discuss what this business entailed. We had so so much in common and really hit it off! I went home that evening and filled out the paperwork! And on October 17, 2015 I became a retailer with LuLaRoe. 

If you’re not familiar with LuLaRoe, the company makes tops, skirts, dresses, coverups/cardigans, leggings and some children’s clothes. The styles range from XXS-3XL in most and there really is something for everyone. Which for me was the selling point. I could still help people by way of making them feel comfortable and beautiful at the same time! 

I had done it! I had finally found the missing piece to our puzzle. And in July of last year I left my full time job to pursue LuLaRoe full time. It’s truly been a blessing for our family. Being able to be home with Jace is amazing. I get to go to his nursery school functions, play dates with our friends, impromptu trips, and I don’t have to worry about how much leave I’m going to use to do it. My time is now mine. We’ve learned to weed out the things in life that we really don’t need and just live comfortably. We’ve also been able to go on trips and vacations that we couldn’t do in the past. Making memories is so important! 

I never thought I would ever leave my state job. However when this opportunity presented itself I knew it was time to take the leap. It was absolutely scary diving into the unknown. All the “What-ifs” hanging in the balance. But that’s no way to live your life. We only have this one. And I for certain don’t want to get to the end and regret all the things I didn’t do. 

So here we are. Living a happy life. We have our struggles too.  Don’t think it’s all sunshine and roses. But those things don’t really matter at the end of the day. And they shouldn’t for you either. Remember to be grateful for all you have. You are blessed. You are here. And you are important. Don’t ever forget that!

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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow ;)

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Yesterday was the big hair cutting day at Amy of Denmark. First I was surprised by my mom, Heather and James. James came in the door with balloons for me saying SURPRISE! What a sweet sight. When we got to Amy’s I was pretty nervous. I know, it’s just hair, but its something about letting it go of it that gets me. I think it’s like cancer trying to take away your femininity. Which brings me to the reason we all went back to the wig shop in the first place. I was not letting cancer dictate when I was going to loose my hair. I was telling cancer whose the boss here. ME!

The girls brought wine and champagne to take the edge off and it was time to begin. Once Tina started cutting I was actually ok. I mean I’ve had short hair before so its not that crazy. Just different. So once all the pieces were cut, Tina brought over a wig to show me how they would fit and feel. I thought she was placing in one of my wigs since I knew they needed to be adjusted. But to my surprise it was the real hair wig I had tried on during our first trip that I fell in love with! At the exact same time my lovely friend Sarah Nees handed me an envelope. In it was a card that stated “it’s not the size of the girl in the fight, but the size of the fight in the girl……and the size of the group of people who love her. Your dream wig is yours, from all of us!” OMG are you serious??!! My heart just exploded as the tears overflowed. I mean, this wig cost $$$$$$ And all these people, some of whom I’ve never met and don’t even know, did this for me. There are no words to express how incredibly loved I felt at that moment. Not because of the wig or the money that was collected. But to know that I matter to all of theses people. That they all came together out of love for me and a strong dislike for this disease just is amazing. I’m still crying while typing this post!

I know that hair doesn’t make you beautiful. Your soul, your heart, that’s what matters. I hope that when I loose my hair I can walk with confidence and rock the all natural look. But to know that I have this amazing wig to boost my self esteem on a bad day means a great deal. For everyone that had a hand in this THANK YOU! You truly made this girls day! Oh and here is the ” new do”. I’m thinking maybe Tinkerbell for Halloween? Suggestions? 😉

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My New Normal

Doctors appointments. Everyday practically. First stop meeting with the surgeon. Dr. Tafra was the surgeon I selected. Chris and I met with her to discuss my diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment plan.  I have Infiltrated Ductal Carcinoma, Stage 1 Grade III, Triple Negative Tumor. Ok, so stage 1. It can’t be too bad? I mean a lumpectomy and maybe some radiation. I’ll be good to go in a couple weeks, right? Wrong. The key word or words in my diagnosis are Grade III and Triple Negative. The staging has to do with the size of the tumor and how far it has spread. So for right now (yes it could change) its a 1. The grade shows how rapidly the cells change.  Grade III is aggressive.  Great. Triple negative means that it tested negative for the three main hormones that usually fuel cancer growth.  In a nutshell, they don’t know what fuels it.

And because of these two lovely things my doctor utters the words I’ve been dreading to hear. Chemotherapy.

The Shock of the “C” word.

As I drove home in hysterics, calling Chris to tell him to come home from work, I was in a complete state of shock.  When I pulled into the driveway the wave of emotions exploded. How could I have Cancer? This couldn’t be happening. WHY was this happening to me? I lost my son for Christ’s sake. Hadn’t we been through enough? (somehow I believed that since Cameron had been taken from us too soon, Chris and I were I exempt from having to endure any further heartache in life).

I finally pulled it together enough to call The Breast Center and make an appointment with the surgeon.  They were understanding and set up an appointment for me right after our vacation.  I was given strict instructions to try and enjoy myself while away.  Yeah, ok.  I’ll see what I can do.

Hello world!

Welcome to my blog! My name is Amber Blose (formerly Amber Hart). I’ve lived in Maryland my whole life, graduating from Queen Anne’s County High School in 1998.

In my early 20’s I moved to the Annapolis area. While working at a downtown bar I met my future husband Chris. After 8 years of growing and learning much about ourselves, we finally tied the knot in February 2011. We were also expecting our first child together. The honeymoon phase was cut short when two months later we unexpectedly lost our son. He was born premature at only 24 1/2 weeks.

16 months later we are doing better and actually looking forward to trying again for a family. That was until I went to the doctor after I found a lump in my right breast.

The following is my personal story with breast cancer. No sugar coating will be found. That’s just not my style.

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