Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow ;)

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Yesterday was the big hair cutting day at Amy of Denmark. First I was surprised by my mom, Heather and James. James came in the door with balloons for me saying SURPRISE! What a sweet sight. When we got to Amy’s I was pretty nervous. I know, it’s just hair, but its something about letting it go of it that gets me. I think it’s like cancer trying to take away your femininity. Which brings me to the reason we all went back to the wig shop in the first place. I was not letting cancer dictate when I was going to loose my hair. I was telling cancer whose the boss here. ME!

The girls brought wine and champagne to take the edge off and it was time to begin. Once Tina started cutting I was actually ok. I mean I’ve had short hair before so its not that crazy. Just different. So once all the pieces were cut, Tina brought over a wig to show me how they would fit and feel. I thought she was placing in one of my wigs since I knew they needed to be adjusted. But to my surprise it was the real hair wig I had tried on during our first trip that I fell in love with! At the exact same time my lovely friend Sarah Nees handed me an envelope. In it was a card that stated “it’s not the size of the girl in the fight, but the size of the fight in the girl……and the size of the group of people who love her. Your dream wig is yours, from all of us!” OMG are you serious??!! My heart just exploded as the tears overflowed. I mean, this wig cost $$$$$$ And all these people, some of whom I’ve never met and don’t even know, did this for me. There are no words to express how incredibly loved I felt at that moment. Not because of the wig or the money that was collected. But to know that I matter to all of theses people. That they all came together out of love for me and a strong dislike for this disease just is amazing. I’m still crying while typing this post!

I know that hair doesn’t make you beautiful. Your soul, your heart, that’s what matters. I hope that when I loose my hair I can walk with confidence and rock the all natural look. But to know that I have this amazing wig to boost my self esteem on a bad day means a great deal. For everyone that had a hand in this THANK YOU! You truly made this girls day! Oh and here is the ” new do”. I’m thinking maybe Tinkerbell for Halloween? Suggestions? 😉

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The Red Devil

Yesterday was our Chemotherapy Teaching Day at the infusion center. I learned a lot about what my treatment will consist of. It’s AC followed by T. First 4 rounds of chemo are AC with Nuelasta. The A is for Adriamycin (or Doxorubicin hyrdochloride) more commonly known as “The Red Devil” because it is a red liquid that comes in a tube and is super toxic.  Put it this way, if it drips on you or out of your IV,which I surely hope the nurse gets correctly in my vein, it can scare the hell out of your skin.  Oooo please sign me up!  It belongs to the general group of chemotherapy drugs known as anthracycline antibiotics. This chemo drug stops the growth of cancer cells causing the cells to die. Cancer cells grow quickly, so do the cells for hair and nail growth as well, hense the side effect of hair loss. Common side effects are decreased white blood cell and platelet count, loss of appetite, hair loss, nausea, and vomiting. Sounds fun right?

Then there is C which is for Cytoxan or Cyclophosphamide which belongs to a general group of chemo drugs known as alkylating agents. It has the same effect on cancer cells as Adriamycin. The side effects are decreased white blood cells, hair loss, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, sores in mouth, diarrhea, stopping of menstrual periods in women, and tiredness.

Now while I am getting these drugs I also get pre-meds that consist of decadron (dexamethasone) a steriod used to combat nausea (and make me gain 10 lbs, Kim Allafi-I will be in Crofton Bootcamp when this is over!), Ativan for any anxiety if needed, and some other drug also for nausea that is slipping my mind right now. After I get these two drugs on Chemo day, I go back the next morning for a shot of Neulasta. This shot helps to boost my bone marrow to make more white blood cells to aid my immune system. I only have to get this shot after the AC regimen portion of chemo (first 4 cycles).

The last 4 cycles of chemo consist of T for Taxol. Taxol is in the general group of chemo drugs known as taxanes. It is a mitotic inhibitor as it stops cell division resulting in cell death. Common side effects are the same as above also numbness and tingling in hands and or feet and muscle and bone aches for 3 days after treatment. Good news is I won’t endure the nausea with this part of treatment so they tell me. The nurse I was with today is a breast cancer survivor and endured the same treatment as me only hers was for a longer duration. So I’m feeling confident taking her word for it. Chemo starts next Friday the 12th. I know I will loose my hair so I’ve made a plan to go back to Amy’s of Denmark and have my hair cut before that happens. The nurse says it will most likely begin at the start of my second treatment. I figured I would dictate when I am going to loose my hair and not cancer. I don’t particularly like being told what to do. Take that cancer!

Chemo sure sounds scary. But aren’t the possible side effects of any drugs always scary? I’m trying to enter this phase of my journey as positive as possible. I know staying that way will be hard, but it’s mandatory for me to get through this with a smile. (please remind me I said this when that smile starts to fade)For now til chemo day I am just going to try and enjoy my time as much as possible. Feels strange not having any doctors appointments to go to for the next 10 days.

Wigging Out!

I have to say I am truly blessed with an amazing family and friends. My friends got together and thought it would be fun to go do some wig shopping together. I welcomed the idea as I see it as a great way to bond with my friends and be a little silly in an otherwise serious situation. Cancer. Always trying to take the fun out of everything. Well I’ve decided NO WAY am I letting it take my sense of humor.

Our trip to Amy of Denmark in Wheaton, MD was nothing short of a blast! The girls made it memorable and outrageous, trying on wigs themselves. What a welcomed change to just let go and enjoy myself. The staff of Amy’s was just outstanding. They made us all feel right at home. They jumped right in and started bringing me different wigs while the girls looked around for some of their own to try on. They even took pictures of all of us together. I know when I have some down days I’ll look at those pictures and smile. Cancer really does suck. But there are little moments like these that occur in this journey when I want to say “Thanks Cancer”. Thank you for bringing me closer to these ladies in my life. Thanks for reminding me of what’s really important. I might not be looking forward to this journey but I’m here and it must take place. What I am looking forward to is the relationships that will be forged as a result of this horrible disease. Cancer, you might be able to take my hair but you can not take my faith and you can not take all the love and support that surrounds me. In fact, the only thing that you can be sure of is that you ARE responsible for making those aspects of my life better. So thanks!

How’s that for positivity!

Wigging Out at Amy's

Wigging Out at Amy’s of Denmark